I love Lauren Winner. We have never met, but I think of her as a spiritual friend.
Male and female brains really are different – but not in ways you may think.
I recently had a conversation with a mentor, in which I was the subject. Sharing as I was, I was surprised to find myself feeling increasingly confused and annoyed. I kept talking, and continued to listen to the detailed feedback, but I felt increasingly alone, misunderstood and distressed. Why?
Because the first thing I needed, and expected, I think, was some empathy. It wasn’t therapy, but it was still very personal conversation. I expected more support and companionable sensitivity. Emotional affinity. That wasn’t what I experienced.
So I was reminded – in a very personal way – that the very first thing that I must bring to the therapy or supervision conversation, the first thing I offer to the one who sits, vulnerable, across from me in my office, is compassion. Understanding.
Empathy first. It’s the necessary start of healing.
Pr. Olbert has written an article that may have saved me from years and years of suffering had I read it 20 years ago. Personality disorders, something I know a great deal about now, wreak damage, suffering and sadness in the church by the bucket load. Thanks to him for placing the pain in front of us again, in a helpful way.
The Lutheran | Loving the enemy: An increasing number of fragile and vulnerable people are in our pews
Wow. I guess I missed this part of my grad program. Therapy as Foreplay.